“Dead man walking” is what the guys in the office used to say just before my co-worker tied the knot this spring. Another co-worker casually refers to his wife as “Lucifer”. Although I know they were being silly and having fun, I wasn’t quite sure how to interpret their words. See, I believe that out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. So I wondered. Could they really feel so enslaved in their own marriages that they would call it death? Was the wife’s treatment so miserable to be likened to Satan? I doubt I’ll ever know the answers to that, but for the sake of all happy marriages and striving wives, I spoke up.
As a wife about to celebrate my tenth wedding anniversary, I could not let someone even joke about marriage being death or his wife being his worst nightmare. Marriage is by far, not easy, but I know it is one of the greatest gifts in my life. I am not the perfect wife and my husband, although he comes pretty darn close to perfection, is not the perfect husband. Our marriage has been fairly smooth and joyful, but not without trouble. Every challenge and trial, as terribly painful as some have been, is worth enduring until victory; even the hard blows that leave us in each others arms with tears in our eyes and an open prayer to God Almighty.
When the trouble hits and the pain becomes unbearable, the pressure too intense, our perspective can easily darken and bring forth more than just irritability and insensitivity. If these emotions are not harnessed so that we can thoughtfully bring them to light with open and honest communication, they will eat the unity right out of a marriage. I have vowed never to let that happen in mine. I’ve learned that the rewards of staying united are worth the fight.
There are couples fighting not only to stay married, but to enjoy a united marriage, just as God designed it. It is not an impossible mission, but good examples can be hard to come by. That is why I am so thankful for Pastor Steve and Mary Alessi who, in their 25 years of marriage, provide the very real example of the fruit of commitment. It is a promise open to all the brave husbands and wives who fight to stay true to their vows. I encourage you to be brave just like ladies from the “Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” book club who joined me on an 8 week journey towards becoming better wives.
As for me and my husband, we know that this wedding anniversary carries more uncertainty than any previous one, but we will remain strong in our walk with Christ, united in our love for each other and filled with joy and peace because of the hope we have in Him. This October 19, we will celebrate the gift of genuine love and unity as joyfully as we have every other year because we know that our commitment to each other and God is greater than any challenge.
