Depth of the Heart's Desire

It’s been almost two months since my husband and I were personally inducted into the foster care system and the adjectives to describe the experience are all over the place just like my emotions.   We were originally signed up to become adoptive parents, but a need arose and we said yes to caring for an elementary age child.   It was sweet and honorable and a definite faith response, but we really didn’t know the details of what would follow.   We seriously just understood the need, answered the call and entered in faith.

I have since learned that while we were pursuing an outright permanent adoption of a child under age 5, God seemed to want for us to also learn about what it means to temporarily “foster” a child.  They are two very different things.

My understanding of foster care might be best expressed in a series of vignettes.  Nevertheless, to give you an idea of the emotions I’ve experienced, I’ll offer up the following descriptions:   

Nervous about the unknown

Excited about the possibility to help a child

 Hopeful about the rehabilitation for the family

Confused about all the many different social workers you have to interact with

Concerned if relevant information shared with one social worker will make it to the others

Frustrated at the slow or lack of responses from case managers & therapists

Disappointed in the mystery and lack of information provided

Annoyed that information not provided could be relevant to childrearing  

Hurt by the reactions and words a hurt child expresses

Afraid that being too strong in disciplining will trigger bad memories for the child

Saddened by the thoughts of what might have occurred in the family

Amazed at the changes in behavior

Focused on remaining unbiased, non-judgmental and prayerful

Committed to expecting a miracle and seeing God’s promises of healing and restoration come to life

Open to learning the lessons of this journey

 

I’m getting used to things and learning what things are worth fighting for and which to let go.   I have learned a great deal about patience, grace & love for others and about trust in God.  I have realized that it is true that while we tell God the desires of our hearts (in my case, the deep desire to adopt and care for orphans), God in all his wisdom, knows the root of those desires and ultimately His ways are higher than ours.   Foster care is not what I prayed for, definitely not how I envisioned it, but I can see how God has taken my earnest desire to help hurting children and families and is using this experience to show me something much bigger than I expected.  His ways are higher than mine.     

As a foster parent, I now know caring for others in crisis is hard.  I know enough to say it can’t be easy for others involved.  I have gained a deeper appreciation and want to say thank you to all the social workers; not just the ones I’m surrounded by at Carrfour Supportive Housing or the new ones I’ve been introduced to, but all of you, who from the true desire to help others, have chosen this selfless and often thankless career.  

You are heroes.  I have seen some of the tantrums you’ve had to manage, I know you are likely overworked and underpaid, but I encourage you to continue your good work because you are making a difference.   You are not only serving your clients directly, but you are also impacting people like my husband and me; and we thank you for that.   Through the growing pains, we are ultimately thankful for your service and sorry you don’t hear it enough.   The National Social Work month in March is not enough to honor you for your labor of love.  Thank you.  Be encouraged and strengthened.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.

“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9