It Makes No Sense

It is well with my soul

I can go back to the very moment, the first and last time, the words resounded clearly in my being.  It was after a Sunday service, in a brief moment when my Pastor asked me how I was doing.  He knew of the trials and news my husband and I were experiencing; he knew I had reason to be in sorrow. My Pastor seemed to be surprised when I responded saying, “It is well with my soul.”

In that moment in which those words came out of my mouth, I had found peace.   Indeed, I was in a daily fight to keep my Sweet Jesus Joy in the middle of processing the fact that my husband I and were told we were never going to be able to bear children together.  But somehow, I knew that my God would come through to fill this deep desire in our hearts.  I honestly didn't know why or how this was all happening to us and quite frankly just grew tired of trying to make sense of it- believe me I tried.   God had literally put me (a “I wanna to be in control" crazy kind of planner person) into a situation I didn’t cause and could do nothing to change.  It was out of my control and I hated it! But in that incredibly uncomfortable season, I learned about trust.  I sought out my God and reached a new level of love and trust for my Father.  

After my toiling with the “why?" and "its not fair” for a while, I progressed a bit and began to dwell in what I know about God and not what I didn’t know about my situation.  In that process,  I found peace, I prayed for trust and fought for my joy!   It was the truth when I said, “it is well with my soul”.   Not because I knew what next, but because I knew whatever was next was good.   Not just the “good" that we use in our usual talk but the Good, well-pleasing and perfect used to describe the will of God in Romans 12.2.   I knew that only GOOD could only come from my Creator and the lover of my soul who knows me better than I know myself.  

Out of that trial, unfolded a truly precious love story that was an answer to over a decade old prayer and is still teaching us today.   A foster and adoption story I pray we’ll fully share one day, but for today suffices to say that it brought us our beloved foster son who was reunified with his family after 10 months in our care and our Amazing Karis who we miraculously adopted from foster care after only 8 months of receiving her.  If you know foster care, you know that was GRACE!

But before the mountain top of our "forever family” adoption celebration on National Adoption Day, I had to come to a place where I could say, and believe, “it is well with my soul".   Be encouraged: no matter where you find yourself today- know that God loves you. Don’t wait for the event you are praying for, but find peace and joy in who God is.  

Brave Love

He came from Honduras to pave a way in the United States of America, the land of opportunity.  He worked hard, he learned to speak, read and write English.  He taught his four children discipline, courage and perseverance. Through his personal example, we learned about our duty to love and serve others.  I have always admired my father.

My love and deep respect for his valiant and pure heart has grown over the last few years.  This chapter begins when my husband and I began our adoption journey.  We decided to meet with our parents to tell them about our decision to adopt.  We began with my mother and father in their living room one afternoon.  I will never forget my father's first response - to call on our God.  That afternoon, my dad led us in a sweet and powerful prayer; it was empowering.  It was the kind of prayer we needed to help carry us through the mountain of paper work, the waiting and the doubt that lied ahead.

Life does not always play out as we plan it.   The private adoption we prepared for did not occur.  Instead from one day to the next, my husband and I found ourselves answering "yes" to the call to become non relative care givers to an eleven year old boy.  This sweet boy needed the love and discipline of a father which he received from my one of a kind husband.  What I didn't expect was that our foster son would also receive the love, care and fun from a grandfather, a role my dear old dad took on so easily.  The picture of my father and foster son watching the sunset from their balcony still warms my heart.

A couple months into our induction to the foster are system, just as we officially became a licensed foster home, we received the call that we have been praying for... A healthy baby girl is waiting to be picked up from the hospital.   "Yes", we answered, with high expectations that as a resource home, we could one day become her forever family.  We all welcomed the sweet angel into our family.   My father assisted with diaper changes, feeding and rocking the princess to sleep when needed, but it was the moral and physical support that he provided us with while we navigated through the foster care system which has left a lasting impression on my life.

My dad, is a wise, praying man; he is discerning and brave.  He is compassionate and passionate when it comes to doing what is right to help and defend those who can not do so for themselves. He could see through my fear of the unknown and was always available to hear me talk through the new concerns and frustrations.  As my daddy, he insisted in accompanying me and our newborn to the agency twice a week so that our foster daughter could visit with her biological parents.  He needed to keep us safe.  The tough girl in me would have pushed through it on my own, but it meant the world to me to know that my father was there with me.  These visits were truly an emotional experience and potentially dangerous.  I think he knew that my "fearlessness" in this case was really nievity.  I believe that in the spiritual realm, he understood a lot more than I did about the battle the was truly taking place.

The fact that he was witness to what I saw was reassuring for me because when I questioned what I saw and reacted to it emotionally, he was there to help me process it.   I was not an overly empathetic female exaggerating things. He also understood things really are rough for our precious children and their families.  The dysfunctions and pain in our families became ever so real and incredible hard to process.   I made it through that season much in part because of his prayers and day to day support.

After our foster son returned to his home and we officially adopted our princess, my husband and I discussed fostering again (something we, honestly could not do without the super hero grandparents).  My dad understood clearly why being a family to a child in the foster care system is so very crucial for our society today.  He was the first to support our desire to foster a third child, even with the knowledge that we will fall in love with him or her and may, after a few months, have to dismiss the child back to his parent(s) or relative(s).  Without a doubt, it is hard to fall in love and then have to say goodbye, but that sacrifice foster parents and their support team make is nothing compared to the pain the children endure outside of a safe and loving home.   My husband and I can offer our home and hearts because of the support of my dear mother and father.

Today, I pray dad knows the impact he has made in the lives of his own biological children, but also those of his foster and adopted grandchildren.   He has always been and continues to be a mission driven man.  I honor my father for who he is and for who he continues to help us become.

Who are you needing to thank and honor this Father's Day?

Depth of the Heart's Desire

It’s been almost two months since my husband and I were personally inducted into the foster care system and the adjectives to describe the experience are all over the place just like my emotions.   We were originally signed up to become adoptive parents, but a need arose and we said yes to caring for an elementary age child.   It was sweet and honorable and a definite faith response, but we really didn’t know the details of what would follow.   We seriously just understood the need, answered the call and entered in faith.

I have since learned that while we were pursuing an outright permanent adoption of a child under age 5, God seemed to want for us to also learn about what it means to temporarily “foster” a child.  They are two very different things.

My understanding of foster care might be best expressed in a series of vignettes.  Nevertheless, to give you an idea of the emotions I’ve experienced, I’ll offer up the following descriptions:   

Nervous about the unknown

Excited about the possibility to help a child

 Hopeful about the rehabilitation for the family

Confused about all the many different social workers you have to interact with

Concerned if relevant information shared with one social worker will make it to the others

Frustrated at the slow or lack of responses from case managers & therapists

Disappointed in the mystery and lack of information provided

Annoyed that information not provided could be relevant to childrearing  

Hurt by the reactions and words a hurt child expresses

Afraid that being too strong in disciplining will trigger bad memories for the child

Saddened by the thoughts of what might have occurred in the family

Amazed at the changes in behavior

Focused on remaining unbiased, non-judgmental and prayerful

Committed to expecting a miracle and seeing God’s promises of healing and restoration come to life

Open to learning the lessons of this journey

 

I’m getting used to things and learning what things are worth fighting for and which to let go.   I have learned a great deal about patience, grace & love for others and about trust in God.  I have realized that it is true that while we tell God the desires of our hearts (in my case, the deep desire to adopt and care for orphans), God in all his wisdom, knows the root of those desires and ultimately His ways are higher than ours.   Foster care is not what I prayed for, definitely not how I envisioned it, but I can see how God has taken my earnest desire to help hurting children and families and is using this experience to show me something much bigger than I expected.  His ways are higher than mine.     

As a foster parent, I now know caring for others in crisis is hard.  I know enough to say it can’t be easy for others involved.  I have gained a deeper appreciation and want to say thank you to all the social workers; not just the ones I’m surrounded by at Carrfour Supportive Housing or the new ones I’ve been introduced to, but all of you, who from the true desire to help others, have chosen this selfless and often thankless career.  

You are heroes.  I have seen some of the tantrums you’ve had to manage, I know you are likely overworked and underpaid, but I encourage you to continue your good work because you are making a difference.   You are not only serving your clients directly, but you are also impacting people like my husband and me; and we thank you for that.   Through the growing pains, we are ultimately thankful for your service and sorry you don’t hear it enough.   The National Social Work month in March is not enough to honor you for your labor of love.  Thank you.  Be encouraged and strengthened.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.

“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

Getting Lost

^2-4 I want you woven into a tapestry of love, in touch with everything there is to know of God. Then you will have minds confident and at rest, focused on Christ, God’s great mystery. All the richest treasures of wisdom and knowledge are embedded in that mystery and nowhere else. And we’ve been shown the mystery! I’m telling you this because I don’t want anyone leading you off on some wild-goose chase, after other so-called mysteries, or “the Secret.”

⁵ I’m a long way off, true, and you may never lay eyes on me, but believe me, I’m on your side, right beside you. I am delighted to hear of the careful and orderly ways you conduct your affairs, and impressed with the solid substance of your faith in Christ.  Colossians 2:1-15 The Message (MSG)

 

After nine straight days of ministry work (locally and internationally), I found myself with indescribable feelings as I prepared to return to my job.   I found this odd because I’ve always been the first to admit that my Monday – Friday job is more than a job, it is a ministry which I take great pleasure in.   My full time job every week is caring for people (who are at times, the most hopeless and forgotten in our world) and I do so for a mission driven organization.   It is this work that has given me a real world knowledge of pain & suffering; it is this work that has not only helped me define compassion but also stirred the passion in me to look beyond someone’s exterior to what God might see.  So what was going on with me? Why was I feeling so heavy hearted?

That Sunday evening, my mind went to several different Bible passages but the verse that says, “In Him we live and move and have our being…” in Acts chapter 17 verse 28 came to remembrance.  What does that really mean, to have ones being in God?  I wondered what being in this world, but not of this world meant. What about flesh and spirit; what is the boundary line? How do we genuinely understand and serve the world around us without getting our hearts lost in it?  How can I love people with my soul and give them my talents and time without getting so deep that I lose myself? I sat on my bed, eager for answers, and began to search the Bible.  I was led to Colossians 2 and was encouraged, but I really didn’t understand why I was reading it. 

I went on with the work week and had an inspiring meeting with a judge who diligently advocates for the mentally ill who are often incarcerated and not given proper treatment & services for their illness. 

A few days later I met with an attorney/land owner, but more importantly, a mother to a mentally ill adult.  With tears in her eyes, she shared with me the story of how she would walk behind her daughter as she wandered the streets just to make sure she would not be harmed.  On a separate occasion, she even, without telling her husband who she knew would forbid it, went into an old motel searching for her daughter who had disappeared.   After many long hours of waiting, they were contacted by law enforcement in a different state.  This mother/advocate has spent decades studying mental illness and went on to share with me her philosophy on the voices in our heads. 

While I knew mental illnesses surround us like a plague, I was shaken by what I learned that week. It became ever so real.  I was intrigued by the information and overwhelmed by the reality of it all.   My soul just wanted to jump in to understand and fix it all.  I was then reminded and reflected on the wisdom that God had even me just a few days earlier; I returned to Colossians 2:1-15

I know there is a depth of knowledge of evil, pain and suffering that I don’t yet understand and that God in His sovereignty and love will never show any of us – and for that I am thankful.   But I am also aware that there is still more for me to learn about the mighty power and authority of this loving God that I serve.  I will trust him and be wise. I will wait on His timing, for it is in Him that I live and move and have my being. It is for His love of the lost and hurting that I serve and sacrifice, but I will not get lost in my passion to rescue.

 

We can go in circles searching for answers and end up losing our minds in that attempt.  That is very dangerous and I’ve learned to heed the advice in Colossians 2:4 so for now, I will only introduce 3 websites to illustrate the above.

1.  The Forgotten Floor-An example of the severity of the problem:
   http://miami.cbslocal.com/latest-videos/?autoStart=true&topVideoCatNo=default&clipId=9235908
2. The power of our mind- Research from a trusted Christian neurologist:
   http://drleaf.com/media/the-gift-in-you/
3. The primary source of truth for my brain:http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+12:1-3&version=NIV 

Larry the Compassionate Guy

As posted on Alessi's Angle by Pastor Steve Alessi
http://alessisangle.blogspot.com/2012/12/larry-compassion-guy.html

Pastor Steve

5 - Dec

It was the story of NYPD Police Officer Larry DePrimo that inspired me this past week. If he could purchase a $100 pair of boots and thermal socks for John Harry who was homeless on the streets of New York City, then what could each of us do to make a difference in the lives of those who live around us?

In the spirit of generosity, I've asked our dear friend Paola Roman to share her perspective on the benefits of serving others. As VP of Housing Development for the non-profit affordable housing developer, Carrfour Supportive Housing, she brings to her position a compassion that drives her to serve even beyond her hours on the job. Here is her inspiring outlook on serving:

Once a month for the last year, I have been volunteering with Metro Life’s Project Love Ministry. I’ve served at the Miami Rescue Mission, His House Children’s Home, and even an international mission trip. On my last service day, I asked others why they do it. A few students were very honest to say it was a class requirement and they’d rather be in bed. Others didn’t really know why they serve. I wondered, is service a trained response? Is it a natural human desire that requires awakening?  

Service is more profound than what I can understand, perhaps because the heart of a servant is so complex and forever changing. I think it starts with the heart. For me it was a series of shocking realizations of injustices. Among the first was the stench of a human being laying on a cardboard box on a busy downtown street. They were always there, but one day I chose to see beyond my needs and was awakened to the pain around me. My confusion turned into anger, and with increased awareness of the hurt in this world, I eventually broke down into tears. I knew I could not stand by so I began to volunteer. To this day, my empathy does not allow me to live without taking action.

I believe this compassion for the suffering of others is the fundamental love that drives consistent service. While we may or may not fully understand the root of this love, the earnest desire to care for others grows as does our acceptance of His love. Serving can become overwhelming when you pour out love without refilling. But, God quickly showed me that we were never meant to carry the heavy burdens of this world. God taught me that His love is not only enough for me, but it is sufficient for others. His love truly is living water from a well that will never run dry. There is enough for my hurts and for that of my brethren. I can always go back and draw more of His great love to share with others for their time of trouble. I cannot describe the joy and satisfaction of seeing the power of love through service.

There is satisfaction in sharing this love with others, but my reward is found in Matthew 25:40 where Jesus says, “Truly I tell you, in so far as you did it for one of the least of these my brethren, you did it for Me.”  Knowing that serving others in love is serving the God who first loved me is an immeasurable reward. To love another purely to the point of service is to sow a seed of love that reaps more love and great joy; it’s eternal.  

So I urge you today to make a decision to serve, even train yourself if you have to. It may start off as work, but with time you’ll become addicted to the difference you will make as you love another with your service to them. Then, find a cause that you are passionate about. There is more need in our world than we know. Realize that when you serve with passion, it’s not work. And then align yourself with others who share the same love and interest. You would be surprised to learn you are not the only one concerned about this particular cause. And lastly, don’t wait for a “thank you” or an immediate impact. Just do it as an offering to God and know that your reward is an eternal treasure as consistent joyful service requires endless love.

Sex for Success?

I’ve seen movies and I’ve heard rumors about so & so sleeping with so & so, but I didn’t really believe any of it was real.  I’ve just ignored this whole idea of sex for success.  But, it’s now become my business… I cannot just ignore it!

I am very vocal about how genuinely happy of a wife I am, but I’ve learned that doesn’t stop every male.  I have actually straight up had to call men out on their advances.  The reactions have been mixed:  The most respectful was apologetic and embarrassed.   The most cowardly was denial and accusative.  The most recent was just fresh! 

I was stunned by this man because for the last several years he has been in a position as a professional resource and help to my office.  I was confused and could not understand what gave him the right.  I was livid!  I wanted to know what the heck I said or did that would make him think he could even ask to kiss me.   I was so insulted; I didn’t really think it through before I called him.  I asked him if I was unprofessional or did something to lead him on.  His response was nonchalant.   How dare he simply say, “it’s no big deal”,   “I want you to be at peace”!?   I just don’t understand the audacity!

My anger turned into pain.  That evening I replayed the scene, and although I knew I had done nothing wrong, I was led to question myself.   How much more professional do I have to be?   (Should I be less kind, less joyful and become more hardened & rough?)  Do I wear trench coats to work?  Once I snapped out of that train of thought, my perspective shifted to others.  I began to grieve for the women who may have fallen into this sick trap.   I wondered how many times he has gotten away with this and how did he leave those women feeling?   How does a woman recover from falling prey to such a lustful scheme?

 The questions kept coming:

Are women really expected to continue a professional relationship after a man insults our integrity?!  

What leads a man with authority to misuse it?

How can a man be so shameless and ready to corrupt a home?

Is his mind so weak that he could not resist his body’s urges?

This woman will never let meaningless sex harm the beauty & pure love in my marriage bed.   I credit my faith for my self-respect and thank God for my husband and my father who prove there are men of honor.   I have strength & wisdom to resist the foolish notion of sex for success, but am saddened that this happens more often than I want to hear about it.   So I write to men and women alike reminding you that this is deeper than just the physical.   I cannot believe that the perversion of your body & soul is something you will just be at peace with.  I encourage us to ask ourselves, What is going on in the heart?  Why are we so afraid to treat the matter at its root?

Ladies, if you find yourself in this situation,

1.     don’t wait, tell a responsible wise woman.   Bringing the situation to light will protect you & give you an avenue to process it.  

2.      If you are married, tell your husband.   It’s not going to be easy for him, but you’ll need each other to process the attempted invasion.  Your marriage will be stronger after overcoming this.

3.      If the incident has occurred in the work place, tell your supervisor or someone in authority.  Your voice could help someone else.

4.    Don’t dwell on it or try to understand the mind of a pervert.  File it away and draw strength & wisdom from the experience.