He Hears

On a leisurely Sunday with family, I held in my arms my little three month old nephew.  He was a little whiny as he struggled to go back to sleep, so for over fifth-teen minutes, I patiently rocked him. Then out of nowhere,  his whimpering turned into loud cries.  I knew these were hunger cries and his momma confirmed it when she said, "no, this can't be, I just fed you!"  I tired to see if I can pacify him for a little longer, but he was not having it! In a matter of seconds, his cries turned into a desperate scream; it sounded like he was in serious pain.  I rocked him for a little longer to give my sister, who was only a few feet away, some time to wash her hands before nursing him again. Then it hit me so hard... that as painful as his hunger might be in this short moment, this precious boy has a mom who is running to feed him, his every need is being cared for. But how many children in third world countries cry for hours, until they tire and can cry no longer?  How many children in the United States of American cry, but go without care?  This thought was unbearable to me.  I began to weep as I saw the faces of neglected and abused children right here in our city.  

My consolation, in that moment of painful empathy, was knowing that our home will soon be filled with joy: joy in our hearts and joy in that of our adopted children who will be given a chance at a life much different from the one they could have. 

We have prayed for our children for the greater part of our married life.  Over the last few years, the Lord has made it clear to everyone in our family that His will is for us to adopt first. This has not been an easy journey by far as there were many obstacles in our way including a "never ending" short sale that, thankfully, is now behind us. We did our part and took our foster/adoption course, started several tedious applications and made the move to prepare for our home study.  So much paper work!  I couldn't tell you my frustration at the thought that adoption is way harder than getting pregnant!  But, this week, we finally got an agency to schedule our home study and that is another confirmation that my God has heard my cry. 

I know there are other cries He's been consoling.  God showed me this with the last question in one of the applications, specifically about the health condition of the child we are willing to adopt.  The options are:
"A premature child (under 4 lbs at birth)
No prenatal care
A child with a corrective disability or birth defect
A child with a genetic disorder or birth defect
A child conceived as a result of incest
A child conceived as a result of rape
A healthy child with a family background of genetic problems or birth defects"

The night I read those questions, God took me from my own pain through the pain of the children in orphanages (that I've long been praying for) and right to the sufferings of the birth families.  I had never considered the birth mother's story as deeply as I did that night. I was torn to pieces. 

This morning, God gently woke me up to pray for the mother of our child. I prayed that she would find strength in her struggle.  I prayed for healing, not just in her body but also deep down in her soul; for forgiveness and love to cover her pain. I pray she finds the hope in God, the promise of a good life under His care no matter how terrible of a life it's been to date.  I pray she finds comfort in knowing that our sweet Savior hears our cries and that He is able to turn our sorrow into joy.  

The journey hasn't been easy and I don't know the details of how this story ends, but I trust my God- I know He hears us when we call...

Sweet Jesus Joy!

   The longer I live, the more pain I see.  As the wife of a minister and a housing developer for the formerly homeless in South Florida, I have witnessed many happy & triumphal moments, but I have also witnessed some incredibly dreadful blows.  More recently I’ve delved deeper into the foster care world…I must confess, it’s challenged me to trust God from the bottom of my heart and not to try to figure out everything on my own. These precious children have done no wrong, but have, at such a tender age, suffered more than most of us could imagine.  Pain does not discriminate and this truth deeply saddens me.

   It is in those moments, that I have to steer my eyes back to the God I’ve looked to for almost two decades.  I have to remind myself that my loving Father, that God, never intended for us to drown in unbearable pain.  If I give up the fight to hold on to what I know is true, I will not be able to see beyond the fog that is caused by pain and onto the promises He’s written in His Word for me.    And so the warrior in me asserts that this lukewarmness is unacceptable.  I decide!

   Then a few simple, yet powerful verses jump to mind: “this is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it” & “the joy of the Lord is my strength” and “Rejoice in the Lord always”.   I thought I knew what joy is and what these verses really mean.   But, do I understand what God is telling me through His word?   (or the even harder question) Do I believe what is written or is my faith conditioned by circumstance?  

   In the mist of this doubt, one thing that was clear to me was that I did not want to ever live a day without joy: that's what I decided!  For some time now, I have prayed to God to show me what He means by “delight yourself in the Lord”.  More importantly, I asked God to show me how to get to and stay in that state.  And there began my battle to maintain my “Sweet Jesus Joy! ™”

   I uttered the words “Sweet Jesus Joy™” and in time, the depth and beauty of its meaning became clear.   Sweet Jesus Joy™ is perfect delight made constant by Jesus; it is complete in every situation.  Sweet Jesus Joy™ is a true contentment for the most painful times; for the sorrowful seasons which can profoundly mark even the strongest soul and rattle off course the most meticulous planner. 

  Sweet Jesus Joy™ is accessible to us whenever we choose to abide in it.  It comes from a place of love; a place of knowing the trueness of the one who loves you the purest and believing just enough to step out and love Him in return, even when you don’t understand the suffering.  We can & often bury it among other contents of our hearts.  But, as long as we acknowledge the love from which this Sweet Jesus Joy™ comes and the power & truth behind it, it will always rise above any deeply embedded emotion that battles for our life.  

Sweet Jesus Joy™ is a decision that most often requires endurance, but it is always worth fighting for.  It is a sweet gift that remains constant even when we are fragile.  I choose to live everyday in Sweet Jesus Joy™ while I trust Him to gently carry me through.