It Makes No Sense

It is well with my soul

I can go back to the very moment, the first and last time, the words resounded clearly in my being.  It was after a Sunday service, in a brief moment when my Pastor asked me how I was doing.  He knew of the trials and news my husband and I were experiencing; he knew I had reason to be in sorrow. My Pastor seemed to be surprised when I responded saying, “It is well with my soul.”

In that moment in which those words came out of my mouth, I had found peace.   Indeed, I was in a daily fight to keep my Sweet Jesus Joy in the middle of processing the fact that my husband I and were told we were never going to be able to bear children together.  But somehow, I knew that my God would come through to fill this deep desire in our hearts.  I honestly didn't know why or how this was all happening to us and quite frankly just grew tired of trying to make sense of it- believe me I tried.   God had literally put me (a “I wanna to be in control" crazy kind of planner person) into a situation I didn’t cause and could do nothing to change.  It was out of my control and I hated it! But in that incredibly uncomfortable season, I learned about trust.  I sought out my God and reached a new level of love and trust for my Father.  

After my toiling with the “why?" and "its not fair” for a while, I progressed a bit and began to dwell in what I know about God and not what I didn’t know about my situation.  In that process,  I found peace, I prayed for trust and fought for my joy!   It was the truth when I said, “it is well with my soul”.   Not because I knew what next, but because I knew whatever was next was good.   Not just the “good" that we use in our usual talk but the Good, well-pleasing and perfect used to describe the will of God in Romans 12.2.   I knew that only GOOD could only come from my Creator and the lover of my soul who knows me better than I know myself.  

Out of that trial, unfolded a truly precious love story that was an answer to over a decade old prayer and is still teaching us today.   A foster and adoption story I pray we’ll fully share one day, but for today suffices to say that it brought us our beloved foster son who was reunified with his family after 10 months in our care and our Amazing Karis who we miraculously adopted from foster care after only 8 months of receiving her.  If you know foster care, you know that was GRACE!

But before the mountain top of our "forever family” adoption celebration on National Adoption Day, I had to come to a place where I could say, and believe, “it is well with my soul".   Be encouraged: no matter where you find yourself today- know that God loves you. Don’t wait for the event you are praying for, but find peace and joy in who God is.  

Brave Love

He came from Honduras to pave a way in the United States of America, the land of opportunity.  He worked hard, he learned to speak, read and write English.  He taught his four children discipline, courage and perseverance. Through his personal example, we learned about our duty to love and serve others.  I have always admired my father.

My love and deep respect for his valiant and pure heart has grown over the last few years.  This chapter begins when my husband and I began our adoption journey.  We decided to meet with our parents to tell them about our decision to adopt.  We began with my mother and father in their living room one afternoon.  I will never forget my father's first response - to call on our God.  That afternoon, my dad led us in a sweet and powerful prayer; it was empowering.  It was the kind of prayer we needed to help carry us through the mountain of paper work, the waiting and the doubt that lied ahead.

Life does not always play out as we plan it.   The private adoption we prepared for did not occur.  Instead from one day to the next, my husband and I found ourselves answering "yes" to the call to become non relative care givers to an eleven year old boy.  This sweet boy needed the love and discipline of a father which he received from my one of a kind husband.  What I didn't expect was that our foster son would also receive the love, care and fun from a grandfather, a role my dear old dad took on so easily.  The picture of my father and foster son watching the sunset from their balcony still warms my heart.

A couple months into our induction to the foster are system, just as we officially became a licensed foster home, we received the call that we have been praying for... A healthy baby girl is waiting to be picked up from the hospital.   "Yes", we answered, with high expectations that as a resource home, we could one day become her forever family.  We all welcomed the sweet angel into our family.   My father assisted with diaper changes, feeding and rocking the princess to sleep when needed, but it was the moral and physical support that he provided us with while we navigated through the foster care system which has left a lasting impression on my life.

My dad, is a wise, praying man; he is discerning and brave.  He is compassionate and passionate when it comes to doing what is right to help and defend those who can not do so for themselves. He could see through my fear of the unknown and was always available to hear me talk through the new concerns and frustrations.  As my daddy, he insisted in accompanying me and our newborn to the agency twice a week so that our foster daughter could visit with her biological parents.  He needed to keep us safe.  The tough girl in me would have pushed through it on my own, but it meant the world to me to know that my father was there with me.  These visits were truly an emotional experience and potentially dangerous.  I think he knew that my "fearlessness" in this case was really nievity.  I believe that in the spiritual realm, he understood a lot more than I did about the battle the was truly taking place.

The fact that he was witness to what I saw was reassuring for me because when I questioned what I saw and reacted to it emotionally, he was there to help me process it.   I was not an overly empathetic female exaggerating things. He also understood things really are rough for our precious children and their families.  The dysfunctions and pain in our families became ever so real and incredible hard to process.   I made it through that season much in part because of his prayers and day to day support.

After our foster son returned to his home and we officially adopted our princess, my husband and I discussed fostering again (something we, honestly could not do without the super hero grandparents).  My dad understood clearly why being a family to a child in the foster care system is so very crucial for our society today.  He was the first to support our desire to foster a third child, even with the knowledge that we will fall in love with him or her and may, after a few months, have to dismiss the child back to his parent(s) or relative(s).  Without a doubt, it is hard to fall in love and then have to say goodbye, but that sacrifice foster parents and their support team make is nothing compared to the pain the children endure outside of a safe and loving home.   My husband and I can offer our home and hearts because of the support of my dear mother and father.

Today, I pray dad knows the impact he has made in the lives of his own biological children, but also those of his foster and adopted grandchildren.   He has always been and continues to be a mission driven man.  I honor my father for who he is and for who he continues to help us become.

Who are you needing to thank and honor this Father's Day?

He Hears

On a leisurely Sunday with family, I held in my arms my little three month old nephew.  He was a little whiny as he struggled to go back to sleep, so for over fifth-teen minutes, I patiently rocked him. Then out of nowhere,  his whimpering turned into loud cries.  I knew these were hunger cries and his momma confirmed it when she said, "no, this can't be, I just fed you!"  I tired to see if I can pacify him for a little longer, but he was not having it! In a matter of seconds, his cries turned into a desperate scream; it sounded like he was in serious pain.  I rocked him for a little longer to give my sister, who was only a few feet away, some time to wash her hands before nursing him again. Then it hit me so hard... that as painful as his hunger might be in this short moment, this precious boy has a mom who is running to feed him, his every need is being cared for. But how many children in third world countries cry for hours, until they tire and can cry no longer?  How many children in the United States of American cry, but go without care?  This thought was unbearable to me.  I began to weep as I saw the faces of neglected and abused children right here in our city.  

My consolation, in that moment of painful empathy, was knowing that our home will soon be filled with joy: joy in our hearts and joy in that of our adopted children who will be given a chance at a life much different from the one they could have. 

We have prayed for our children for the greater part of our married life.  Over the last few years, the Lord has made it clear to everyone in our family that His will is for us to adopt first. This has not been an easy journey by far as there were many obstacles in our way including a "never ending" short sale that, thankfully, is now behind us. We did our part and took our foster/adoption course, started several tedious applications and made the move to prepare for our home study.  So much paper work!  I couldn't tell you my frustration at the thought that adoption is way harder than getting pregnant!  But, this week, we finally got an agency to schedule our home study and that is another confirmation that my God has heard my cry. 

I know there are other cries He's been consoling.  God showed me this with the last question in one of the applications, specifically about the health condition of the child we are willing to adopt.  The options are:
"A premature child (under 4 lbs at birth)
No prenatal care
A child with a corrective disability or birth defect
A child with a genetic disorder or birth defect
A child conceived as a result of incest
A child conceived as a result of rape
A healthy child with a family background of genetic problems or birth defects"

The night I read those questions, God took me from my own pain through the pain of the children in orphanages (that I've long been praying for) and right to the sufferings of the birth families.  I had never considered the birth mother's story as deeply as I did that night. I was torn to pieces. 

This morning, God gently woke me up to pray for the mother of our child. I prayed that she would find strength in her struggle.  I prayed for healing, not just in her body but also deep down in her soul; for forgiveness and love to cover her pain. I pray she finds the hope in God, the promise of a good life under His care no matter how terrible of a life it's been to date.  I pray she finds comfort in knowing that our sweet Savior hears our cries and that He is able to turn our sorrow into joy.  

The journey hasn't been easy and I don't know the details of how this story ends, but I trust my God- I know He hears us when we call...

Sweet Jesus Joy!

   The longer I live, the more pain I see.  As the wife of a minister and a housing developer for the formerly homeless in South Florida, I have witnessed many happy & triumphal moments, but I have also witnessed some incredibly dreadful blows.  More recently I’ve delved deeper into the foster care world…I must confess, it’s challenged me to trust God from the bottom of my heart and not to try to figure out everything on my own. These precious children have done no wrong, but have, at such a tender age, suffered more than most of us could imagine.  Pain does not discriminate and this truth deeply saddens me.

   It is in those moments, that I have to steer my eyes back to the God I’ve looked to for almost two decades.  I have to remind myself that my loving Father, that God, never intended for us to drown in unbearable pain.  If I give up the fight to hold on to what I know is true, I will not be able to see beyond the fog that is caused by pain and onto the promises He’s written in His Word for me.    And so the warrior in me asserts that this lukewarmness is unacceptable.  I decide!

   Then a few simple, yet powerful verses jump to mind: “this is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it” & “the joy of the Lord is my strength” and “Rejoice in the Lord always”.   I thought I knew what joy is and what these verses really mean.   But, do I understand what God is telling me through His word?   (or the even harder question) Do I believe what is written or is my faith conditioned by circumstance?  

   In the mist of this doubt, one thing that was clear to me was that I did not want to ever live a day without joy: that's what I decided!  For some time now, I have prayed to God to show me what He means by “delight yourself in the Lord”.  More importantly, I asked God to show me how to get to and stay in that state.  And there began my battle to maintain my “Sweet Jesus Joy! ™”

   I uttered the words “Sweet Jesus Joy™” and in time, the depth and beauty of its meaning became clear.   Sweet Jesus Joy™ is perfect delight made constant by Jesus; it is complete in every situation.  Sweet Jesus Joy™ is a true contentment for the most painful times; for the sorrowful seasons which can profoundly mark even the strongest soul and rattle off course the most meticulous planner. 

  Sweet Jesus Joy™ is accessible to us whenever we choose to abide in it.  It comes from a place of love; a place of knowing the trueness of the one who loves you the purest and believing just enough to step out and love Him in return, even when you don’t understand the suffering.  We can & often bury it among other contents of our hearts.  But, as long as we acknowledge the love from which this Sweet Jesus Joy™ comes and the power & truth behind it, it will always rise above any deeply embedded emotion that battles for our life.  

Sweet Jesus Joy™ is a decision that most often requires endurance, but it is always worth fighting for.  It is a sweet gift that remains constant even when we are fragile.  I choose to live everyday in Sweet Jesus Joy™ while I trust Him to gently carry me through.

Larry the Compassionate Guy

As posted on Alessi's Angle by Pastor Steve Alessi
http://alessisangle.blogspot.com/2012/12/larry-compassion-guy.html

Pastor Steve

5 - Dec

It was the story of NYPD Police Officer Larry DePrimo that inspired me this past week. If he could purchase a $100 pair of boots and thermal socks for John Harry who was homeless on the streets of New York City, then what could each of us do to make a difference in the lives of those who live around us?

In the spirit of generosity, I've asked our dear friend Paola Roman to share her perspective on the benefits of serving others. As VP of Housing Development for the non-profit affordable housing developer, Carrfour Supportive Housing, she brings to her position a compassion that drives her to serve even beyond her hours on the job. Here is her inspiring outlook on serving:

Once a month for the last year, I have been volunteering with Metro Life’s Project Love Ministry. I’ve served at the Miami Rescue Mission, His House Children’s Home, and even an international mission trip. On my last service day, I asked others why they do it. A few students were very honest to say it was a class requirement and they’d rather be in bed. Others didn’t really know why they serve. I wondered, is service a trained response? Is it a natural human desire that requires awakening?  

Service is more profound than what I can understand, perhaps because the heart of a servant is so complex and forever changing. I think it starts with the heart. For me it was a series of shocking realizations of injustices. Among the first was the stench of a human being laying on a cardboard box on a busy downtown street. They were always there, but one day I chose to see beyond my needs and was awakened to the pain around me. My confusion turned into anger, and with increased awareness of the hurt in this world, I eventually broke down into tears. I knew I could not stand by so I began to volunteer. To this day, my empathy does not allow me to live without taking action.

I believe this compassion for the suffering of others is the fundamental love that drives consistent service. While we may or may not fully understand the root of this love, the earnest desire to care for others grows as does our acceptance of His love. Serving can become overwhelming when you pour out love without refilling. But, God quickly showed me that we were never meant to carry the heavy burdens of this world. God taught me that His love is not only enough for me, but it is sufficient for others. His love truly is living water from a well that will never run dry. There is enough for my hurts and for that of my brethren. I can always go back and draw more of His great love to share with others for their time of trouble. I cannot describe the joy and satisfaction of seeing the power of love through service.

There is satisfaction in sharing this love with others, but my reward is found in Matthew 25:40 where Jesus says, “Truly I tell you, in so far as you did it for one of the least of these my brethren, you did it for Me.”  Knowing that serving others in love is serving the God who first loved me is an immeasurable reward. To love another purely to the point of service is to sow a seed of love that reaps more love and great joy; it’s eternal.  

So I urge you today to make a decision to serve, even train yourself if you have to. It may start off as work, but with time you’ll become addicted to the difference you will make as you love another with your service to them. Then, find a cause that you are passionate about. There is more need in our world than we know. Realize that when you serve with passion, it’s not work. And then align yourself with others who share the same love and interest. You would be surprised to learn you are not the only one concerned about this particular cause. And lastly, don’t wait for a “thank you” or an immediate impact. Just do it as an offering to God and know that your reward is an eternal treasure as consistent joyful service requires endless love.

Sex for Success?

I’ve seen movies and I’ve heard rumors about so & so sleeping with so & so, but I didn’t really believe any of it was real.  I’ve just ignored this whole idea of sex for success.  But, it’s now become my business… I cannot just ignore it!

I am very vocal about how genuinely happy of a wife I am, but I’ve learned that doesn’t stop every male.  I have actually straight up had to call men out on their advances.  The reactions have been mixed:  The most respectful was apologetic and embarrassed.   The most cowardly was denial and accusative.  The most recent was just fresh! 

I was stunned by this man because for the last several years he has been in a position as a professional resource and help to my office.  I was confused and could not understand what gave him the right.  I was livid!  I wanted to know what the heck I said or did that would make him think he could even ask to kiss me.   I was so insulted; I didn’t really think it through before I called him.  I asked him if I was unprofessional or did something to lead him on.  His response was nonchalant.   How dare he simply say, “it’s no big deal”,   “I want you to be at peace”!?   I just don’t understand the audacity!

My anger turned into pain.  That evening I replayed the scene, and although I knew I had done nothing wrong, I was led to question myself.   How much more professional do I have to be?   (Should I be less kind, less joyful and become more hardened & rough?)  Do I wear trench coats to work?  Once I snapped out of that train of thought, my perspective shifted to others.  I began to grieve for the women who may have fallen into this sick trap.   I wondered how many times he has gotten away with this and how did he leave those women feeling?   How does a woman recover from falling prey to such a lustful scheme?

 The questions kept coming:

Are women really expected to continue a professional relationship after a man insults our integrity?!  

What leads a man with authority to misuse it?

How can a man be so shameless and ready to corrupt a home?

Is his mind so weak that he could not resist his body’s urges?

This woman will never let meaningless sex harm the beauty & pure love in my marriage bed.   I credit my faith for my self-respect and thank God for my husband and my father who prove there are men of honor.   I have strength & wisdom to resist the foolish notion of sex for success, but am saddened that this happens more often than I want to hear about it.   So I write to men and women alike reminding you that this is deeper than just the physical.   I cannot believe that the perversion of your body & soul is something you will just be at peace with.  I encourage us to ask ourselves, What is going on in the heart?  Why are we so afraid to treat the matter at its root?

Ladies, if you find yourself in this situation,

1.     don’t wait, tell a responsible wise woman.   Bringing the situation to light will protect you & give you an avenue to process it.  

2.      If you are married, tell your husband.   It’s not going to be easy for him, but you’ll need each other to process the attempted invasion.  Your marriage will be stronger after overcoming this.

3.      If the incident has occurred in the work place, tell your supervisor or someone in authority.  Your voice could help someone else.

4.    Don’t dwell on it or try to understand the mind of a pervert.  File it away and draw strength & wisdom from the experience.