It Makes No Sense

It is well with my soul

I can go back to the very moment, the first and last time, the words resounded clearly in my being.  It was after a Sunday service, in a brief moment when my Pastor asked me how I was doing.  He knew of the trials and news my husband and I were experiencing; he knew I had reason to be in sorrow. My Pastor seemed to be surprised when I responded saying, “It is well with my soul.”

In that moment in which those words came out of my mouth, I had found peace.   Indeed, I was in a daily fight to keep my Sweet Jesus Joy in the middle of processing the fact that my husband I and were told we were never going to be able to bear children together.  But somehow, I knew that my God would come through to fill this deep desire in our hearts.  I honestly didn't know why or how this was all happening to us and quite frankly just grew tired of trying to make sense of it- believe me I tried.   God had literally put me (a “I wanna to be in control" crazy kind of planner person) into a situation I didn’t cause and could do nothing to change.  It was out of my control and I hated it! But in that incredibly uncomfortable season, I learned about trust.  I sought out my God and reached a new level of love and trust for my Father.  

After my toiling with the “why?" and "its not fair” for a while, I progressed a bit and began to dwell in what I know about God and not what I didn’t know about my situation.  In that process,  I found peace, I prayed for trust and fought for my joy!   It was the truth when I said, “it is well with my soul”.   Not because I knew what next, but because I knew whatever was next was good.   Not just the “good" that we use in our usual talk but the Good, well-pleasing and perfect used to describe the will of God in Romans 12.2.   I knew that only GOOD could only come from my Creator and the lover of my soul who knows me better than I know myself.  

Out of that trial, unfolded a truly precious love story that was an answer to over a decade old prayer and is still teaching us today.   A foster and adoption story I pray we’ll fully share one day, but for today suffices to say that it brought us our beloved foster son who was reunified with his family after 10 months in our care and our Amazing Karis who we miraculously adopted from foster care after only 8 months of receiving her.  If you know foster care, you know that was GRACE!

But before the mountain top of our "forever family” adoption celebration on National Adoption Day, I had to come to a place where I could say, and believe, “it is well with my soul".   Be encouraged: no matter where you find yourself today- know that God loves you. Don’t wait for the event you are praying for, but find peace and joy in who God is.  

Sex for Success?

I’ve seen movies and I’ve heard rumors about so & so sleeping with so & so, but I didn’t really believe any of it was real.  I’ve just ignored this whole idea of sex for success.  But, it’s now become my business… I cannot just ignore it!

I am very vocal about how genuinely happy of a wife I am, but I’ve learned that doesn’t stop every male.  I have actually straight up had to call men out on their advances.  The reactions have been mixed:  The most respectful was apologetic and embarrassed.   The most cowardly was denial and accusative.  The most recent was just fresh! 

I was stunned by this man because for the last several years he has been in a position as a professional resource and help to my office.  I was confused and could not understand what gave him the right.  I was livid!  I wanted to know what the heck I said or did that would make him think he could even ask to kiss me.   I was so insulted; I didn’t really think it through before I called him.  I asked him if I was unprofessional or did something to lead him on.  His response was nonchalant.   How dare he simply say, “it’s no big deal”,   “I want you to be at peace”!?   I just don’t understand the audacity!

My anger turned into pain.  That evening I replayed the scene, and although I knew I had done nothing wrong, I was led to question myself.   How much more professional do I have to be?   (Should I be less kind, less joyful and become more hardened & rough?)  Do I wear trench coats to work?  Once I snapped out of that train of thought, my perspective shifted to others.  I began to grieve for the women who may have fallen into this sick trap.   I wondered how many times he has gotten away with this and how did he leave those women feeling?   How does a woman recover from falling prey to such a lustful scheme?

 The questions kept coming:

Are women really expected to continue a professional relationship after a man insults our integrity?!  

What leads a man with authority to misuse it?

How can a man be so shameless and ready to corrupt a home?

Is his mind so weak that he could not resist his body’s urges?

This woman will never let meaningless sex harm the beauty & pure love in my marriage bed.   I credit my faith for my self-respect and thank God for my husband and my father who prove there are men of honor.   I have strength & wisdom to resist the foolish notion of sex for success, but am saddened that this happens more often than I want to hear about it.   So I write to men and women alike reminding you that this is deeper than just the physical.   I cannot believe that the perversion of your body & soul is something you will just be at peace with.  I encourage us to ask ourselves, What is going on in the heart?  Why are we so afraid to treat the matter at its root?

Ladies, if you find yourself in this situation,

1.     don’t wait, tell a responsible wise woman.   Bringing the situation to light will protect you & give you an avenue to process it.  

2.      If you are married, tell your husband.   It’s not going to be easy for him, but you’ll need each other to process the attempted invasion.  Your marriage will be stronger after overcoming this.

3.      If the incident has occurred in the work place, tell your supervisor or someone in authority.  Your voice could help someone else.

4.    Don’t dwell on it or try to understand the mind of a pervert.  File it away and draw strength & wisdom from the experience.